I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
