She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
