so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
