In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
