It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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