yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I love you.
Bad choice
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
