if you like me you must not know who I am
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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