Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
