Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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