Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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