I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You may now shotgun with the bride
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
