I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
