I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
