sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just google imaged poop.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
