and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
