Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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