The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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