So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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