I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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