so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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