He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize