Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
