the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
