Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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