how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
