I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
