Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
