the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
