i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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