this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My bed smells like the plague
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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