bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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