Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize