I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think your dad took our porno
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
