She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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