She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize