You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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