in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
