Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize