That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
