Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
