Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
