4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
