she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
