Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize