at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
