On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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