Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
