If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize