my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
