Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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