My sheets look like a crime scene.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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