At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
