Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
