please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
