The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
