she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
