Say something about gay babies.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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