he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
