Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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