I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize