If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
