Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
