shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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