Soap is not a condiment
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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