we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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