just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
