You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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