Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
